For A Nice Lady I'll Do Anything

Go and check out this post from a very nice Natalie. You know her as the owner of the Yarn Yard, but she's also a good blogger too!

A Needed Review

Do you remember Samira? I talked about her some time ago. She is still waiting for a heart, and when I visited her in August she looked a lot thinner. She was weak, she was loosing her faith, and no longer even believes that there is a chance for her. And if she does not get a new heart soon her prospects are grim.
Now I am not someone who wants to shock to get a good result, or to force an opinion. We have free will and should be able to decide for ourselves. But please, let's make it an informed decision...
Here is the Organ Donation Information sites for Germany , USA , Canada , UK . Go there and sign up.

The big machine in front of Samira (little girl in the front) is the pump that is taking over the work her heart can no longer do. She will actually push it around anywhere she goes and she is playing like any other kid, her Mom is always so scared because Samira totally forgets the wires and tubes connected to her.

The young man standing behind her (5th from the left, top row) is called Daniel. He is now 18 years old and is waiting for a new heart since 2006. He had a failed transplantation attempt May 2008, and I have to admire him and his Mother to not give up. Failed transplantations are extremely rare, the new organ did not want to start beating and he luckily survived the re-transplant of his own heart.

Ikbal, who I spoke of before too, has to consider undergoing a new transplant. The current heart which she has been living with for 14 years is starting to show signs of failure.

14 Days Of Sunshine - The Finale

This is the last entry for the 14 Days Of Sunshine. I edited it now as I wrote the first attempt with a rather gloomy mood. But summer is rather fun, so I could not let it stand that way. This entry should be more enjoyable.

The first picture shows a plant in our garden that does attract butterflies like honey bears, yarn knitters or babies diapers. I wish I'd been able to take a picture showing all 10 on this one bush at that time, but I just could not get a good shot.

The butterflies come each year again, they always seem to give summer a last 'hurray' and show up when the first leaves start to get that first yellow edge. We get to enjoy the display for a few days only, then they all vanish.Number two is showing the church my parents are ground keepers for. I just love how well the red stone and the dark green of the plants goes together with that blue sky. It looks a lot better if you stand in front of it.

Thirdly: may I introduce: Schnuffel, the cat. He 'picked' my family, comes and leaves at his desire, (you should hear him whine at 2am in the morning since he does not use a cat toilet. And he is going to continue on whining until someone goes downstairs and opens the door for him...) he eats only the best food available, loooves freshly washed white bedding on a muddy day and is all in all a gigantic diva.
In exchange he keeps the other cats away, presents us with freshly killed presents every 48 hours or so, snuggles and will always come to warm you when you're sick. Oh, and he is a gorgeous cat!
And number four: how could one not love summer sunsets? They seem to promise another wonderful day, and even if that only works 1 out of 10 times it is very pretty. Again: much prettier in person.
Fifth and last for this theme: the Holunder (or Elderberry) is one of the last things to really ripen in summer. I really love this plant, there is so much you can do with it starting with the flowers all the way to the fruit. See some suggestions here, and Empfehlungen here. We make juice and jelly with it, as it has to be cooked well to be fit for consumption!
And at last you can see there has also been some knitting. That's all I can show of it right now (which might be because there is no more to show as of yet...) but if I actually do get a little break this weekend I'll finish this soon.
Elijah has overcome his first children's disease. 3 Day Fever, and considering the amount of paracetamol he as been given (we are very conservative, the maximum daily dosage was never reached...) he also fights a rather fast digestive process. But he's a cheerful little guy and almost back to his usual self. I think that tomorrow I shall sleep till late in the day to regain my strenght and his Dad is going to have some fun baby sitting.

Rather serious news: I now officially "qualify for a listing on the heart transplant list". Bad news. Good news. I can't decide yet. But the timing sucks, I have no permission to travel, won't be able to see my American family clan for Christmas and will also not be able to ever, ever meet all the people I'd love to meet sometime.
I originally was hoping to go to take the opportunity to see the Yarn Harlot in London these days, and I would have also liked to say hello to some of my acquaintances from Edinburgh that are there too. So I'll just have to read all the wonderful blog posts that will follow this event.

If you are one of the lucky people to be there: enjoy, have fun and go see London!

Ikbal's Hug

I managed to add a little project on the side, for a friend of mine that (again) is one of the inspiring people I met at the hospital.

Ikbal's whole family has been haunted by a genetic defect, one of her brothers died already, one sister starts to show symptoms and one younger brother is now awaiting a heart. Ikbal herself has been transplanted since 14 years, and although she does have some problems resulting from the medications she has to take she is amazing.

She is studying "Management" right now, she supports her sick siblings as well as her parents and she is always laughing. She just has this amazing energy, and she just never gives up or gives in. I suppose one needs a whole lot of stubbornness to survive sometimes.

This shawl I decided to knit for her after I found out that she has to have surgery on her liver soon. I found this Alpaca yarn to be so soft and it becomes even more beautiful with daily wear, so I just had to use it. It was a leftover, and the lace pattern I used is from the book "Enzyklopaedie Stricken" by Maria Parry-Jones.

I like the pattern because I have a fable for leaves and such, the pattern is actually called "falling leaves" if I remember right. And the beads where a little experiment, I do not have a lot of experience in knitting with beads or using beads on knitted projects, but I'm getting there.

So I hope you like this, Ikbal!

Heart Aches

Let me tell you about Samira. She is a 8 year old girl I became friends with during my stays in Bad Oeynhausen Heart Centre. She is smart and funny, has an exceptionally crazed sense of humor and excels in her classes. She will beat you in Skippo (a card game) so bad that you won't recover from that serious defeat ever. And she just sometimes, sometimes wants to hold your hand and be a bit sad.
Samira has been in hospital for a long time, more than 9 months now, and she is living on a pump, a machine that is bigger than she. This pump is replacing her heart, which is no longer working, and she is waiting for a matching donor. She is even topping the European List, highest priority, but unfortunately for her there just are not enough people donating organs and especially not children's organs. And it is breaking my heart. All she wants is to live, go home to her Mom and Dad, even to her annoying brother (her words).
When I got released we had this conversation:
Samira: "You, when you come back for your check up and I am not there, you know where I am then."
Me: "Yea, I hope I get to visit you on HTX and admire you with your new heart!"
Samira: "No, you silly, I'll be dead. Don't you know that?"

All I can hope is that more people become donors. So we don't need to have too many conversations like this. Here is the sites for Germany , USA , Canada , UK . Go there and sign up. You can only do good.

Things To Come

So there it is: the truth, the fact, the not so good thing I have been dreading for months now. We have thought of it, debated and fought, but it is sure that I am going to need a heart transplant. Problem now: I am not quite sick enough to be officially on the list, but there is not much worsening necessary and seriously... who can handle this preassure?

So the patterns that I have written have to wait, the pictures too, the updates and baby stories (he's great by the way!) because I think I am back to hospital tomorrow. Wish me luck. I think I am going to need a lot of it in the next months.

Knitted Things Part One And Ramblings

I know, according to the headlines it does sound like I did a lot of knitting, but compared with the time that passed I really didn't... But there are some nice things that I completed, and one of them is this shawl. It is not blocked yet so I don't have a photo of the whole thing, but it is a very nice, very soft triangular shaped cuddle blanket. The yarn I used is from http://www.fowberry-alpacas.com/ (I seem unable to set a link right now...) and it is especially nice to the touch and was wonderful to knit with. Me and a friend bought some at a Farmers Marked in Edinburgh, she later gifted me her portion and I was able to knit this nice shawl.

Since I have been mentioning my illness several times but never really specified what the problem is I now decided to just tell. I have been sticking my head in the sand long enough and simply know that people will find out anyhow. I just did not like the idea of having the pity, and the insecurity people feel around someone who might not make it. Yes, I might need a heart transplant, my heart is very, very much damaged but the cause is unknown (besides the fact that I had a baby despite congenital heart disease...) and I am being evaluated every 4 weeks, so even though I am not officially "on the list" today I might be on soon. I am trying to be fit enough to enjoy my days as they come, and at the time I am doing pretty good. I get a lot of strong drugs to suppress dangerous arrhythmia's and to keep my heart beating sufficiently, and I need about 14 hours of sleep to cope. But the side effects could be worse and I am dealing well. Hopefully that will be the case for a long time to come, as I plan to be there when Elijah comes home with his first flame. Or decides to play Rugby after all. Or chews on the cigar his dad kept for the first grandchild.

Update

Well, hello again... the good news is that I started to knit something again. A blanket for myself, I seem to need something soft, warm, big and safe to snuggle up into. Beautiful Alpaca, very nice and good to knit with.

Bad news: I had an MRI last week. The damage to my heart is a lot worse than we thought. Life will be scary and very uncertain for some time to come. We are trying to find out what exactly happened, and we are hoping that medicines will fix the problem eventually. The alternative does not bear thinking about.

Thankfully I have this. A lot to live for. And friends that think of me.

Disclaimer: this blog was never intended as a personal forum, merely as a knitting blog for informative purposes. Things change. What can I say...

Not So Good News And Still No Knitting....

I am not so sure where to begin just here... The last couple of entries all where the same: sorry, no knitting. Baby is great, yes I was in hospital again but I am out now... Sorry to all who e-mailed me and who I owe a reply among other things.
Well, there is not much changing. I have been in hospital (again) for 2 weeks, and this time there has been a confirmed diagnose. Which means a lot of things will change around here.

I have always had a heart problem. I was fine and had a pretty normal life, the term is Tetralogy of Fallot IV for those who like to look up this stuff. So we did know that the pregnancy would prove a challenge, but everyone (doctors, consultants etc) where hopeful about the outcome. But it turns out that I have developed heart failure, and spending the better part of 12 weeks in hospital and 4 months in bed has left me very weak and in need of full time care.

My mother has come from Germany to take care of me and the baby for now, (which is nice as I get to be home and eat good food and get cuddles) she is used to me being sick and hence coping well. My husband has been granted 2 months compassionate leave from work to continue the care and by that time we will also know if I am in need of surgery to repair some of the damage done to my heart valves.

All this is a lot to take in for us. All the sudden I am out of breath walking from my bed to the sofa, and a couple of months ago I hiked up some mountains (smaller ones....) happily and fit. Even knitting is too much to focus, but at least it is itching in my fingers and I have resumed the healing fondling of my yarn stash.

My lovely son is doing splendid. He is the sunshine in all of this, he grows and develops so nicely that it is a joy to watch him. He is catching up on his weight and his mind is so sharp there is no hiding from my baby.... fantastic! I am so happy to have him, even though I am not able to fully take care of him now (changing diapers etc is tough) I get loads of cuddles and snuggles and giggles and all the things we both need.

That's the news. My families life is changing and it might be quiet for some time now. But please continue to tune in. One never knows what happens next. Literally.